Visual Art Journalling: A Mother's Coping

This page was created approximately a week before Rowan's hospitalization, before we knew she was in fact unwell. I was having difficulty accepting her new intense temper tantrums, not realizing I was dealing with the mood swings of diabetes.

On an adjoining page (not shown here) it describes:

"There comes a time in every young child's life, that in the midst of a tempertantrum, they mysteriously morph into an arachnid type creature, flinging their eight angry limbs in protest and upheaval."

Visual Art Journalling: Page 2

"The day this all went down"

"terrified" collaged down left hand side of page.

"August 9/10 will forever be etched on my heart and mind"

Visual Art Journalling: Page 3

"I am so sorry for being blind to what was right in front of me for so long."

Note: the small cut out piece of paper lists the symptoms of her experience.

Visual Art Journalling: Page 4

"I held you soooooo tight as you had your blood drawn for the very first time"

Visual Art Journalling: Page 5

The text on this page reads:

"Never realizing it would be the very first poke of your new reality as a human pin-cushion.

Baby, I am so sorry.

I wish my hugs and love would be enough to heal you.

I feel so helpless.

I hate this.

Hate hurting you.

I am so sorry."

Visual Art Journalling: Page 6

My recollection of a truly ill looking little girl. Not the beautiful vibrant spirit I know and love so well.

Visual Art Journalling: Page 7

The screaming, howling, begging pleas of a six year old seeking mercy. Heartwrenching to experience.

Visual Art Journalling: Page 8

The IV bag in this spread reads:

"My recollection of your hospitalization an emotional, devastating blur of having to lay my torso across your flailing body every thirty minutes (precisely) while you were poked jabbed and stabbed for forty-eight hours. Our tears running together all the while during these repeated struggles."

The IV tube reads "terrified you'd think I was on their side"