Emerging Day: Copyright Krystin Clark-Goodsell 2011

This is the story of the very first Emerging Day! It all started, once upon a time, with a little caterpillar named Rowan.

One Spring Rowan started feeling really, really yucky and gross. She fought with her sister caterpillar Trinity all the time. Rowan was a very grumpy caterpillar.

She was also hungry all the time! She could eat a whole tree full of leaves and still feel hungry.

She was really tired all the time no matter how much she rested. She had no energy and exploring the tree with her sister and friends wasn't very much fun anymore.

Sometimes Rowan felt tingly all over and things would get all blurry.

Then came the day that Rowan ran away from LadyBug Lane daycare. She had run away because she was feeling really sick and wanted to snuggle with Mama Caterpillar. But when Rowan had finally crawled home, Mama Caterpillar wasn't there- she had gone to work at the silk factory.

Trinity the sister caterpillar helped search for Rowan with all the other tree bugs. Trinity was very brave even though she was worried about Rowan.

When the tree search party found Rowan, she was curled up, crying because she felt so sick. Mama Caterpillar came from the silk factory, took one look at Rowan and said "it's time to see a doctor!"

So down the tree they all slowly climbed to see doctors Stewart and Jackson at the very bottom of the tree trunk. It took much longer because Rowan had to use the bathroom so many times on the way.

The snail receptionist greeted the caterpillar family and showed them to the exam room.

Dr. Jackson, a long and lanky Praying Mantis checked Rowan's reflexes and temperature.

When Dr. Jackson was shining a light into Rowan's ears, Dr. Stewart, a kindly Junebug, poked Rowan's fingertip with a pine needle. The sharp feeling surprised her, but she was brave!

"Open wide please" Dr. Stewart squeaked.

Rowan still didn't feel good, but did as Dr. Stewart instructed, hoping the doctors would make her feel better... and quick!

Dr. Stewart leaned in real close and took a long deep waft of Rowan's breath.

"Smells like rotten fruit... have you been eating much rotten fruit?" inquired Dr. Stewart.

"No...n... no" said Rowan meekly.

"We haven't been to compost corner in weeks" Trinity, sister-caterpillar spoke up "She's had no rotten fruit at all!"

"Not good, not good at all" muttered the doctors, "we must get her to Tree Top Hospital right away... right away! This little caterpillar is very ill!"

Just then a hummingbird ambulance zoomed down. Rowan, Trinity and Mama Caterpillar hung on tight to it's back as it zoomed up, up, up! Up they flew to the highest of tree branches. Branches so high Rowan and Trinity didn't know the tree had grown so high! When the hummingbird ambulance landed, a group of fairy doctors awaited them.

Rowan was put on a leaf stretcher and moved to her hospital room: an empty birds nest. Trinity and Mama Caterpillar held each others hands as they enterred the nest.

The bird nest room had a wonderful view of the forest below. But Rowan didn't care. Fairies kept poking her with pine needles, and mosquitoes kept coming to draw her blood. She didn't like it, not one little bit, and wanted Mama Caterpillar to take them home.

Rowan felt very sleepy, like she could sleep for days, but she was afraid to fall asleep in this strange place. Eventually she couldn't fight it anymore and fell asleep.

When Rowan awoke, she was wrapped really, really tightly in a cocoon. She'd never seen a cocoon before and didn't know what to do. She peeked through the webbing but couldn't see Mama Caterpillar or Trinity anywhere in the bird nest room. More fairies kept coming to poke her with pine needles through the cocoon. She was scared and didn't know what was happening.

Just then a fairy dressed all in yellow and gold stepped out from the tree's thick leaves. Rowan couldn't tell if she was an angel, or a fairy sparkling in the sunlight.

"Do not be afraid little Rowan" the angel-fairy spoke softly, "Everything will be alright". The angel-fairy went on to tell Rowan that she had been very, very sick, but insulin will help keep her healthy.

"But Rowan, there will be changes little one. You will never again be the simple caterpillar you once were. Break free from the cocoon and you will see".

Rowan was scared, she didn't know how to get out of a cocoon. She didn't even know anyone who had ever seen a cocoon! She was still tired, but somehow thought she felt a bit better. But it was hot and sticky in the cocoon and she wanted out!!!

"I can't do it!" Rowan cried.

"Aaah, but Rowan, you must" angel-fairy insisted calmly.

"Will you please help me?" Rowan begged frantically.

"Rowan, I am sorry... but I cannot. This is a battle for you alone. It will teach you how ferociously strong you are. Capable of facing anything in your future".

Rowan was frustrated the angel-fairy wasn't helping. She didn't like this stupid cocoon and she wanted out of it! Finally she channeled her frustration and managed to rip free.

Trinity and Mama Caterpillar returned to the bird nest hospital room just in time to see the cocoon slip away and two big beautiful butterfly wings unflap on Rowan's back. It was true, Rowan had changed! No longer the cranky fuzzy little caterpillar she once was. Now she was something entirely new!

"What am I?" Rowan asked in awe.

"You are a very rare and special diabetic butterfly"

"But my family.... they're still caterpillars?!?" she said with worry.

"They are still caterpillars, yes. But they will always be your family. They love you very much: no matter what you are, no matter what they are" spoke angel-fairy.

Rowan stayed at Tree Top Hospital for many days, learning how to be a diabetic butterfly. Mama Caterpillar went to Diabetes School to learn how to take care of her. At first it seemed very complicated. Sister-caterpillar Trinity learned all about it too. She was a quick study and very helpful.

When Rowan finally left Tree Top Hospital, she left on wings, much as when she arrived. But this time the wings that carried her were her own!! She was nervous to show her new self to her friends on LadyBug Lane. She was afraid they'd think she was too different.

Down from Tree Top Hospital they flew, Rowan carrying Trinity and Mama Caterpillar on her strong wings. All her ladybug and creepy crawlie friends were waiting for their return. They were very excited when they arrived. Rowan was grateful they didn't treat her any differently, even when she did her pine needle finger pokes.

"Fly for us Rowan! Fly for us!" their friends cheered, and fly she did! She zoomed up, she zoomed down. She flew higher than she ever thought possible. Her friends 'ooohed' and 'aaaahed' watching her fly loop-di-loops in the summer breeze.

Rowan had never heard of a diabetic butterfly before and wasn't very sure yet if she wanted to be one. It didn't matter thought: she was what she was. Since she had already morphed into a diabetic butterfly, she wanted to be the best one she could be!!

The next day, Rowan the diabetic butterfly flew to unexplored parts of the forest, spreading word about diabetic butterflies.

On her travels, she met a cranky little boy caterpillar who was feeling very sick. When the hummingbird ambulance arrived for him, she flew right along his side the entire way to Tree Top Hospital. She helped him be brave during pine needle fingerpokes, and she was there encouraging him as he struggled out from his own cocoon. Later she made him smile telling him about flying loop-di-loops on a summer breeze.

When Rowan came home that night, Mama Caterpillar and Trinity were excited by tales of Rowan's new diabetic adventures. That night, the three of them fell asleep all curled up together on their leaf, Rowan's new beautiful wings covering them and keeping them warm.

After all, they were family: Mama Caterpillar, Trinity and Rowan. No matter what any of them turned out to be and no matter where Rowan's new wings would carry them.

And every year, on the date Rowan emerged winged from her cocoon, the little family celebrated Emerging Day!

The Witching Hour

Cover your buttocks
Better yet hide your whole being
The needle is here
We’ll soon be disagreeing…..
The diabetic witching hour is upon us!!

Say What You Need To Say...

Call For Participants

Love, love, LOVE that swim instructor!!!

She went into the water in the 6's. I gave her a fist full of jellybeans and sent her off with some serious trepidation. I watch her like a hawk when she's in the pool, it's not as if she could crash and I wouldn't notice.

Oh... I noticed alright.

It was in the middle of a length. This is Rowan's first lesson set in the grown up pool. That cold temperature does a real number on her; fighting to keep her body temperature up, and fighting to stay afloat sends her spinning down into hypoglycemia nearly everytime.

She wants so much to be just another kid. Able to scream and splash and have fun.

Like I was saying... it was in the middle of a length, and for whatever reason she plunged deep under water. I don't know if it was the way she held her head, or if it was the lethargic posture of her body. I knew. Maybe it was the expression on her face, through the water, her little goggles on her head, and her entire face squinched in a knot. Squinched isn't a word: I just made it up. I'm the sole caretaker of a type one diabetic child, and one of the benefits is that I am now entitled to randomly add words to the English language. Deal with it... move on.

She breaks the surface of the pool, I see her chug for air. Her face goes back under. I'm standing at the pool edge at this point, less than six feet away. I'm wishing I had a change of dry clothes because I have a sneaky suspicion I'm about to be diving in.

She begins to sink. So does my heart, and every ounce of air in my lungs rushes out. She's afraid, and it's written all over her face. I am too; is it written on my face?

That swimming instructor, bless her freaking wonderful heart, she always stays with Rowan, at the minimum she's at least within arms reach. Usually closer. She's never been asked to, or instructed to. She just does. Without griping or complaining, she stands by my baby girl as she learns the front crawl. People either get this disease, or they don't. I don't know who this girl knows that's a diabetic, but she knows someone, because she "knows". She knows you can't turn your back on a T1D child swimming in a deep cool pool.

I see Rowan's arms stretching to reach the surface, all she wants to do is get above water. She knows how to, her muscles want to, in theory she's more than capable... but her blood glucose won't let her, because she simply just doesn't have the energy.

Without a word, and oh so calmly, that wonderfully empathetic swim instructor playfully plucks Rowan to the surface "You're feeling tired, aren't you?" Rowan replies "yea" kind of sheepishly.

She was such a rebel sitting on the pool edge, water up to her knees, goggles pushed up on her forehead, chugging a juice box. We know it's not allowed. But don't start with me... go ask the other lifeguard: "Just let the lady give her kid a juicebox and for the love of God, don't tell her she can't! And avoid eye contact!"

It was an interesting experience, but we survived yet another evening of swimming lessons. God bless all the compassionate people in the world who step up to help another without having being asked for their assistance. Thank you for making this world as happy as it is. It wouldn't be the same without you.

Night Time Glucose Testing

Last night, Rowan complained at bedtime about an ear-ache. She hadn't said anything about it all day long, and it certainly didn't prevent her from playing outside in the neighbourhood for hours, so I took the information, and mentally filed it for later examination. But sure enough, within an hour of her being asleep, she began screaming and crying out in her sleep.

I've done this ear infection thing with my kids often enough to know that it does indeed hurt more at bedtime, because when they lay down, there's more pressure on the inner ear. So when I put her older sister to bed in the top bunk, I decided to spare myself the extra effort later on, and lug my sleeping diabetic beauty into my bed.

Hours later, I crept into my room surrounded by darkness, to test her glucose levels one last time before going to bed. Now I've heard that some kids are able to be 'finger-poked' in their sleep... and it took a while for us to figure out what works for us. The times that I have tried doing it in her sleep, she woke up in 'fight or flight' and believe me... she was fighting. I couldn't keep control of her flailing little arm, and the blood sample smeared everywhere. So last night, I'm at the side of my bed, with a soft closet light on, setting up the meter and preparing to test her. I know she knows I'm there. We both know what's coming.

I reach under the blankets and pull out her itty-bitty little hand, and she pulls it back under the blankets. I stroke her hair away from her forehead, and whisper to her that I'm here for her # and need her finger back please. Her eyes remain closed, and her face tightens into a grimace when the lancet goes into the side of her finger. But she was warned, and there is no struggle, no smeared blood everywhere, no hysterically crying child. She was 8.2.... which meant one thing: she wouldn't make it through the night without going hypoglycemic on me. I set my alarm clock for four hours later, only to repeat the entire process at 4am, followed by one of our infamous 'diabetic midnight picnics' in bed.

And we survive another day.... only to repeat this six times over.... minimum. We visit the doctor today... sure enough, she has the beginning of another ear infection. I'm wondering how sugar-reduced antibiotics taste... knowing I'll be informed in a couple of hours when I present her with her first dose.

Hypo or Hyper?

We're at the local community centre, waiting for swimming lessons to begin. One of the lifeguards sees Rowan being tested, and comes over to chat.

"What type are you?" the woman asks. She should have ended the question there. But no.... she continues "are you hypo or hyper?". I try to contain my eye rolling to a discreet level. But before I can interject or say anything, my sweet precious L'il Bones has it all under control.

With one hand on her hip, she looks up to the lifeguard, and replies "I'm type ONE.... you know, the FOREVER kind." I could hear Rowan's thoughts continue "like, duh!" The womans face drops, makes some excuse, turns tail and runs.

May I be the type of supportive parent that will not squelch the attitude she dishes out in response to diabetic ignorance. You tell 'em girl!

TELUS Walk to Cure Diabetes

Fundraising efforts are kicking into full gear for "Rowan's Recruits" and the TELUS Walk to Cure Diabetes June 12th at the Greater Vancouver Zoo.

I'm excited to announce that EVERY walker registered with Rowan's Recruits, and EVERY donor (donation of $20 or more) will be enterred into a raffle to win this 20 x 20 acrylic canvas "Grateful Heart".

I am tremendously grateful to all who have offered their support since Rowan's diagnosis. Unfortunately, we still need your support more than ever! Insulin is not a cure to Type 1 Diabetes, but with your donations, we can fund further research and make a cure a reality.

My little girl needs a cure. I'm sure you know someone who could also benefit for a cure....

To make a donation online please visit: http://www.jdrf.ca/walk Click on Sponsor a Participant on the left hand side, enter Rowan in the search box, and then select a participant of Rowan's Recruits to sponsor.

Thank you so very much for your consideration.

Diabetic Complications

So our dreaded "diabetic complications" seem to have begun.

For the last few weeks, Rowan has had a particularily nasty looking infection on her big toe. We saw the doctor, were instructed to soak it twice a day in Betadine. Three days ago, it was once again looking like a normal toe. Today, however, the festering pussy mess is back. It hurts for her to walk on, or put a sock on. Back to the doctor's office we go... and this time returned with a prescription antibiotic (which is particularily yucky tasting) that she's to take four times a day for the next week. If the infection hasn't cleared up... the doctor wants to remove her big toe nail.

Now one part of me is able to rationalize it that it would only be a toenail they'd be removing. Not a toe... not a foot. It could be so much worse. But this is my baby we're talking about. My baby who's life turned upside down 08/09/10 and everyday since then. I just want her to be able to go through life as "normally" as possible, and was hoping to avoid these complications.

If the "amputations" start this early. Then what will be next? This is my baby, not some parts car waiting to be stripped.

She's been through so much already, and the last thing I want to do is have to hold her down (once more) at the doctor's office when he injects freezing with three different needles into her small little seven year old big toe. She came into the world with that toenail.... and I was planning on her leaving the world with it to.

Maybe I'm being to sensitive. Maybe I'm being too maternal and protective. Maybe I'm just tired of watching her struggle and suffer.

Rowan's Recruits & The 2011 Telus Walk To Cure Diabetes

Sweet Child O' Mine..... Where Do We Go From Here?

Interesting Project

Diabetes 365 is a project on Flickr where participants post a daily photo of their T1D experience. The point being, to provide a more "balanced" image of T1D than the marketing imagery.

Check it out here:

http://www.flickr.com/groups/mydiabetesathome/

I don't have the time to commit to 7 pictures each week, so I'm passing on joining the project. However, that being said that I don't have time, I did run out and get a picture today. I'll post them here instead of Flickr, because, again, I'm not sure how long my commitment will last.

This image here is Rowan (7) charging around outside trying to avoid me, after calling her in for a morning snack. It's hard having to pull them away from the escape of play and the magic of imagination, and have them deal with reality. Yet we do so several times daily.

Love you Rowan!